Green-Fingered

Salam.

Finally, it is December again. Time to re-evaluate  life and start fresh isn't it?

So what is my plan now? I will just randomly blurt everything since I have to meet someone in 30 minutes.

1. To be more grateful, on small things, big things and whatever.
2. To not let others' expectation skewed  my progress in life.
3. To spend within means. Travel when I have means, time and money or any commodities required.
4. To do my best in everything, not because of greed but because that is the quality/amanah I have promised and committed myself to.
5. To not overthink.
6. To take care of my health, eat in moderation and ample exercise to keep going.
7. To focus on what matters.
8. To not react or associate with negativity.
9. To read more of good books and spend less time on phone or internet.

I feel obliged to keep my list up till 10 but I cannot focus. Hence, bye!

Brazen

Salam.

I don't know about others but I see that everyone else is coping well, with nothing peculiar just life, but they make it look easy. Some make it look worse, but I don't really pay attention to that. This is specifically for those that is, realistic, did not sugarcoat on the easy breezy part and did not  exaggerate on the hardship, you guys are rock.

I am usually optimistic, but this past 2, 3 days, weeks or months, I think I was quite stuck in my self-created crisis and it was not until last week, I think I grew tired of worrying about things, I think I had enough and okay, maybe this is the point where I need to fight against the odds. Fighting against the odds - for me is quite simple, just sleep earlier and wake up earlier, do things that I will thank me later and don't do things that I will regret later - which I was failed to commit before, and hopefully I am getting better in committing to exercise good habit.

As I am grow older, my wish is getting simpler, such as happy and peace of mind.

Insofar

Salam.

Expectations?

What is the first thing that come to your mind when you heard this word - expectation?
Is it lacking from your side, or is it lacking from other parties, i.e partners, family, friends, career -wise?

Or is it I have done my best and they have done their best, there is nothing more to squeeze?

Perception?

How about this? Is it from your angle outwards, or from others concave inwards?

Life?

People said the more we travel via books, reading, communication, networking, reflecting, we tend to be more humble, seeing how never-ending a discovery could be. In an unknown self-discovery, where should we land and settle?

How to check if we are either overconfident or pessimistic or pure lazy?

The more uncomfortable the answer, the more likely it is to be true.”

Salam.

Now is 6.23 am and I am on the way to airport. Life has been unpredictable these days and that makes me more appreciative of my current surrounding, I finally learned the carpe diem more relevant than ever.

As much as I love coffee, I need my sleep more. So I am always ready to change to tea should coffee affected my sleep too much. I am coffee lover doesn’t sound that cool at 3 am in the morning, while I was counting sheep  in the darkness for hours and function like zombie the following day.

I have no problem too to revise my expenditure, my circle of ‘friends’ should I found I am more at losing side if I keep them in my life.

Nothing Wrong on Being Average

Salam.

Our generation is the most transparent and visible  compared to others, no thanks to Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube. Every things come with package, like fame with recognition and scrutinizing eyes. So it allows more room for validation. Been exposed to daily scoop of 'cool', 'rare' and 'extreme' acts and tales from the internet, I was later questioned myself on what good did I bring to the world, people and me?

I am an average humanbeing, living a boring life, have a small circle of (good) friends, maybe not too much to claim, a plain jane. So yes, that internet validation grew on me,  surfacing out every insecurities and as a result, got me trapped in a emotional distress of 'I am not enough'.

But come to think again, there is nothing wrong with being not special, living on average and the constant struggle to overcome problem to reach that emotional equilibrium, happy state but not numb on feelings.

We were also have been told too many times that we are special, so we  tend to act like we are special, that some test can go unattended, ignored, shortcut to fulfillment, letting go problems without attempt  to solve (because we are special) and I am running out of words to describe more on my ignorant acts.

I kind of agree now that 'you are special' to me sounds more like false assurance to sideline the real issues, temporary relief for both speaker and audience.

So yes, now I think I feel more at ease knowing that I am not special, I am required to handle my problems and I am okay if I don't appear 'cool' or 'rare'.

P/s : Maybe this is the old news for you, but I kind of just realize and appreciate it now.

My Time is Gold Too

Salam.

I feel the need to write tonight because I am serenaded by this beautiful song. The lyric is cheesy but the melody is good so...

Today I was really tired, both mentally and physically. Mentally because I was in the midst of moving  house and workplace, the need to transfer the belongings, possession, data, responsibilities and everything that I didn’t aware of, yet. Physically because I was waiting for an hour, standing and I don’t have anywhere to go while waiting because we afraid that we might missed each other if I move. This was not about being late (although I don’t fancy waiting, I am that one that reach the location,  okay on 80% occurrence  at 8 if the deal was to meet at 8, not just started moving or on the way-on the way). My time is gold too.

Last but not least, I am sorry if I ever did any wrong to you. Nothing in particular, just this song makes me feel so apologetic.

How long do we wait? - As long as it takes.

Salam.

One of many things I dread doing and facing is the beginning of new things, the misery of not knowing things and not knowing what to expect. I wish there is skip button and I can straight away go to the end result. But as my current wallpaper of company's laptop says, 'There are no shortcuts. Work hard, be patient, be consistent' - nothing but the truth.

I know I would thanks me later if I did my best now. If is the key-word, and that suggest probability of yes and no, nothing definite but totally depends on me, my efforts.

At the age of almost 30 (next year) only I learn this rule of life, and there is no way to defy this - there are no shortcuts.

Purple Prose

Salam.

I am away from my comfort zone, close people and buddies that I usually share my times with and mundane that I had become accustomed to. I don’t know what in store for me, but I have always believe that whatever happens, it is for a good reason.

I hope I can benefit as much here, and contribute as much.

Malaysia : A New Dawn

Salam.

It has been a nerve wrecking, neck and neck fight during this general election, and I am beyond happy and relief that party that I was rooting, won.

One thing or more that I learned from this general election was, the power is with the people. We can always change something if we don’t agree with the term, unhappy with the process or not feeling okay with current situation that we are in.

So the people has spoken and our voices are heard, the prayers of many were answered and I feel like flying now.

On Tun M, no words can describe how much I adore the spirit, willpower and determination that he has. I would suggest to read his book, A Doctor in the House if you are unfamiliar with his contribution, effort and vision. However, if you don’t read or study, and your sentiments towards him were solely based on hearsays, erm I would say  it is unfair to speak on a subbject without prior research.

Let’s make Malaysia a better place for us, and our future generation. 😊

Confusing but Focus

Salam.

I have read Pelukis Jalanan and Arkitek Jalanan this week. This is the book that if I were to become a writer, I want to impact my readers like these books had on me. #berangan

There were too many relatable occasion potrayed in these books and the author’s perseverance was erm how can I put this into words, I don’t know what is the right word. Maybe because the author is a very wise and strong humanbeing, he was tested in a very tough situation in which put me to shame on my dramaless life (not that I am asking for drama but imagine with my simple life like this, I had already feel stress, I don’t know what will happen if I was tested like author 🤦‍♀️). 

My favourite part is when the author said that life is a bridge, to eternity and fix our focus on our destination, while crossing the bridge so we will not fall down and manage to do our best in crossing the bridge. So if we were having problem like things that didn’t go as planned, hiccup somwhere, remind ourselves that this not the end, fix our focus and keep moving forward. Something like that. Insha Allah let’s. 

Aridity

Salam.

Whatever relevant in the past may not be relevant anymore in the future, or now.
Same goes to whatever bothering us in the past is no longer there to be worried of, either it went as smooth as our plan or not, it was in the past. I was really bothered with my placement and job offer back then when I was just graduated, now that I am already 7 years in the company, Alhamdulillah, there is no point to worry back then but of course, naive me would opt to rock the worrying chair.

Same goes to minimalism idea. It is not about painting all walls white and furnish our home with super sleek and expensive furniture. It is about letting go of the excess. Like we need food for its nutrition and fuel for energy to carry on with our life, not extravagant food everytime to be featured on Instagram posting (Instagram for me as Facebook is too ‘exposed’).

For mental, minimalism is also about encouraging to avoid overthinking mind, super high standard that is impossible to achieve. Like baju raya, as long as my baju can fit me and I look decent in it, there is no need to have new one for every occasion. First, because I am not a celebrity, nobody pay attention on what I wear. Second, Islam is all about moderation and I try to become a better Muslim by practising it. (Insha Allah). Third, people that are complaining is not the one who is paying, unless they are paying, their opinion is almost (if not absolute) invalid.

And it is about eliminating excess, not abstinence to everything.

Blessing

Salam.

One of my life greatest blessing is my sister. I don’t know how long we will stay at the same house and able to have roadtrips together, but I thought while we are still able to spend as much time together, we should and I would. I am alhamdulillah perfectly healthy, it is just that I don’t know much about future and I thought I haven’t pen enough appreciation on having her.

She is not avid reader of my blog, just when I forced her to she would come here,  either to check on content or grammar. So if I go somewhere far or we did go separate ways due to hectic life, this is a reminder that she is really a blessing to me. Whatever my posession is hers (already) and I thought that should remain because materials are meant to be utilized and that is the only hope of everything I  owned, to be beneficial.

We had our recent roadtrip to Ipoh and of course it was fun.

Totally Bummer

Salam.

I am really in the mood to share something but I am running out of good pictures to accompany my long post so here I am. 💁🏻‍♀️

I am currently reading The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari and article by The Minimalists. I wonder where did my time go and missing this good stuff. The part that their life was miserable keep me hooked because having someone smart to acknowledge they are failure is rare and applaudable. Too common was seeing people oversell themselves.

So what did they do? They aspire to become wealthy and they became one. Not until their life was falling apart only they realize that wealthy in term of monetary was not enough. So they changed.

Say No to False Positivity

Salam.

At one point, I have made myself numb on feeling. When I heard someone was sad over something I don’t quite understand, I judged and labelled and I want that person to skip the sad part and laugh, there and then. If I were sad and frustrated over something, I would keep quiet and grieve all by myself. I would label me weak if I was not as happy. I would disregard my feeling and others’ feelings and pretend everything was okay, even when it wasn’t, for the glorious and victorious potrayal of glee me, 24/7.

By then, I was really annoyed with Sadness and totally understood Joy in the Inside Out movie. In the past, I was not happy all the times but I (indirectly, silently) ridiculed people that was forlorn, and that insensitivity put me to shame now.

Fast forward a few years later, I finally understand that frustration, sadness, unhappiness are what made a human, human. We are not robot to defy feelings, we are human to feel (I am sorry if you are an alien, you kept it hidden well) and smart one to control it. I finally understand the message of Inside Out movie now.

The days are long, but the years are short

Salam.

I agree that 2017 pass by in a blink of an eye. But nonetheless, as cliche as it sounds, I think I learned a lot of new things in 2017.

I acquired new close friends because I was attached to new workplace early 2017. Just like love, we don't get to choose who we fall in love with, like we met and get to talk and wow, we clicked so let's be friends!

I wrote my personal aims for 2018 in my personal journal, handwritten. First, because it was personal for me to share. Second, I have  a thing with words, especially if it was handwritten. I enjoyed writing not in clicking the keyboard sense, but literally handwritten.

Who else is writing blog nowadays? Hahaha.

In December 2017, I managed to read Better than Before book and it was really good. I enjoyed and benefited from it. Currently, I am kind of addicted to watch Aida Azlin youtube channel, because her insight is relevant and her delivery is soothing. Same goes to Mizz Nina and Prof Muhaya delivery. I  hope I can become a much better person in future by investing my time and energy reading and watching this kind of materials.

2018, let's do this.