A Stumble May Prevent a Fall

Salam.

Finally, I feel like I am in control of my life again.
It started with a random conversation between my colleagues and I and the topic cornered to me, on subject that I dreaded most. Surprising enough, I was not mad. It was a good joke if I was  not mad but that was not the reason I was not mad at that time. I laughed it off together and carefully, before I answered, (because the fun part of making a subject in a conversation is all about that subject’s response right?), my brain was silently agreed with the comment.

I answered well, (I think), that joke remained as good entertainment for others, we dismissed and while for me, on top of it, I found something like revelation (?), something like I can handle this, we can change if we want to.

So here I am, and that was such a good reminder, clean slate for me to start new, or to improve before things could get worse or before I am left with nothing that I can change of, before I am helpless and while I am able and in control of my life.

It is funny I got motivated over random talks, but this time I won’t let it be  in vain. I don’t know, most of my surrounding are inspiring in their own ways albeit nobody perfect but who am I to highlight others’ flaws?

I guess, in  my past, I spent too much  time looking on others’ fault, ogling and highlighting their mistakes, keep forgetting that I am a humanbeing that full of mistakes too. Now, I (kind of) vow, I will try to look at the bright side, always, on life and people. Hopefully istiqomah lah.

Yes, You Can

Salam.

Don’t underestimate your capability, someone told me this, and this someone was no other than my own mother.

My mother, despite I was hinting to her how unsuccessful I am, how actually I can contribute more to society  if I am not really ‘confused’ with all these shopping thingy or how actually I can make her (more) proud of me as her daughter.

Maybe, a natural feeling as a mother, she (already) feels proud of me by my mere existence (I can sense this, perasan much right?) but at the same time, she knows complacent is no good. This was evident when I told her, that I actually like writing, I hope I can make money out of writing like J.K Rowling but I have full time job that I can not abandon and I expect her to say, just focus on your job - but no. She said, just give it a go, do your best and let God decide the rest.

Of course, I have yet to start writing, my lacking in grammar or good story to share or just plain lazy as excuses collectively stopping me.

The point is, I am comfortable with confidence that mother has on me. I feel that that is the right amount of love, she knows she has no option other than being proud having her daughter to call her mother but at the same time that doesn’t stop her from give her kids assurance or little nudge  that we are always ‘work in progress’,  just give a try and do our best.

Hubris

Salam.

Everyone has their own definition of  happiness and at some point, I was confused what is it that really makes me happy. I was once thought good food can make me happy, shopping, collecting items, travelling far, friends/people like me but now, as I am approaching 30 in the next 2 years, I thought I would be really happy if I am healthy in my future years.

As cliche as it sounds, now I totally get it when elder people told that it is impossible to please everyone, not all will like you, so yeah. *curtsy*

Everybody does stupid things, it shouldn’t cost them everything they want in life

Salam,

Actually I think I prefer doing something else. More like becoming a painter, or writer, or composing music or anything artsy, because I like the outcome and the process, the process is able to make me forget about time and the outcome is not quantified.

On the price of art by famous artist, please don't question because unlike you (us), some people devote their whole life in creating arts for living. And this, is why it is important to have that minor group of super rich personnel that can spend a fortune for arts because middle class or lower will not afford to buy although they (we) appreciate the art just the same. It is like ecological system on wealth distribution.

And please don't question them if they did spend on this item instead of giving out for charity purpose, because first it is shallow to think others didn't inclined to charity if they are not exposing it or we have no clue about it, secondly, it is their call anyway, but by purchasing these items they are actually helping the economy in some sort.

The eyes can mislead, the smile can lie, but the shoes always tell the truth

Salam.

I have lost a few close friends. Noone to be blamed, it was natural and I don't think because of me as well. I am sad that we go different directions but I have to accept the fact that this is life, how it usually goes and not all things are within our control. :)

Above all, when we lost anything or person that we love, this lead me back to appreciate surrounding that I have now, people that stays amidst everything.

Oh, one more thing, I am very keen on minimalist idea. I can't wait to have and stay in my own house to paint all walls white, to decorate all the bushy decorating pillow pastel and to plant my cactus everywhere. Insha Allah.

And I am picturing myself healthy too, in my 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s with happy glow on my face, teeth still intact and the only way I know how to attain that is via balancing act which are eat adequately and exercise regularly. Of course the doing part is the hardest but let's try shall we?

Running Out of Luck

Salam.

Up until now, everything went smoothly, I am healthy, I have food to eat, shelter to live in, clean water supply, family and friends to look me out and job to keep me sane. I think I can consider myself lucky. One fine day (yesterday), I had a conversation with my dear friend discussing about life and I told her that I am lucky for everything I have now. Just like me, my friend considered herself lucky too. The threshold on lucky grouping for us is basically healthy, physically and mentally.

Suddenly she said, 'What if one day we running out of luck?'

That hit me hard. First, because I am not prepared to live my life any other way. Second, that might be true because the only constant is change.

I have no answer to that question, but I have solution to ease my mind. First, be grateful - I don't know about others but there is some magic involved that able to distract me from overthinking which lead to unnecessary stress when I am feeling grateful (attempt in being grateful: because I think I am being grateful but I don't know whether I really was at that moment), and secondly,  do the best in everything because we will never know what will happen next. Life is mystery like that.

Blood, Sweat and Tear

Salam.

I am excited for something now, I feel like I want to fly to complete the process. Please pray my plan especially this one will go smoothly. Insha Allah.

On life, everything is okay just that I incorporate Vitamin C in my daily consumption and it has been a year I manage to apply on serum to my face every night without fail. I am one of those people that want to hamper ageing process and we shall see whether I will be successful in the next 30 years.

:)

Potential

Salam. 

Most of the time I am quoted as soft-spoken person for those who just get to know me. When they know better, they will instantly refute that idea. I am monotonous in talking and that was always misinterpreted as soft-spoken while I was just dislike the sound and energy of high pitch voice. 

I want to worry on greater things such as what will happen to me and my family in the next 50 years, instead of bitter on cleaning up the mess others' caused by their carelessness. Oh talking about careless, hate is strong but almost accurate in my case, hate to take care of others' mess resulted from frequent carelessness' event. Careless is a habit. Having other people to clean up the mess is a selfish habit. Thinking that being careless is unavoidable is lacking consideration on others kind of thought. Clumsy and klutz for me and many are not cute. I am amazed when I first heard the idea of being clumsy is cute. 

See where is this going while I was just stated a while ago that I want to worry on greater things? 

In Life, You Gain Some, You Lose Some

Salam.

It was easy to talk to those who were losing so much in their life, they appreciate and give support more.

It is 2017 and still people think that death is far, life is permanent, people will stay and heart will remain unchanged.

I am currently reading Tun M's book and I am such a big fan, way before is a fan but it gets amplified after reading this book. There were so many words that hit straight to my heart, such as it is equally important to develop people together with technology. Simple reference that I managed to figure, toilet.

And before I forget, please watch La La Land. It is musical and I am never fond of this genre. But this movie won all 7 nominated categories and I can't contain my curiosity. Fast forward, 2 hours, yes I agree with their winning.

Such a brilliant and sharp movie. Please watch if you have time. I am not going to spill any spoiler.