April Fool Me Not

This was in 2011. Oh I am still not fond of April Fool.

***
Salam.

Because we are in our early 20's, approaching adultness; maturity should come in parallel with it. I am, you can say got some funny bones, I love to break jokes, stupid mimic and all, but somehow there is something that I find unnecessary sometimes, to make fun because of sensitivity and burdensome to others.

Well, let say I love surprise but I hate prank. April Fool is really not my cup of tea. Is it really fun to see other people been fooled for whole day, stress over something that didn't exist and later, the people that responsible to clean the mess of prank is also the victim itself.

Angel

This was in 2011. Some serious stuff I wrote.

***

Salam.

To feel content at the end of the day, and to be excited on what should be done by tomorrow, I wish I would live a life perfectly like that. But there are times when I just let tomorrow decide itself on its color, be it sorrow or bright, I just couldn't care less. And I know this is not good, but that is reality of my simple life and more often than not, I am and will always slipped, which I learned that is part of learning process.

I am very far from right person to discuss about this, but I don't know, there is an urge that push me to write this, maybe because naturally I am observant and I just can't make my mind shut this off. Girls, and their (our) obsession on pretty or beautiful or breathtaking or sweet or cute or anything that you would like to call. Life is simply too vague to be captured into a word. Seemingly, most people think that when they have the look, they will succeed or to the least of landing good job or stable marriage. 

Living life up until now, there are a thing or two that I learned which can help a bit in becoming secure on our look, not measured by typical judgment that is usually biased especially if that judgments is came from the opposite gender. 

My god let us decide on our look, which the actual look is shown not now, but hereafter based on our deeds. So, don't ever feel wronged by the Almighty because of what we look now, we are the responsible person that now, is fully in charge on how we look eternally.

Thus, if you want to appear as pretty as angel later, act like one now.

Pinkish, Rosy Cheek of a Baby

This was in 2012, or 2011?

***

Salam.

Today I start my day with Nasi Briyani, followed by Mee Kari, escaped Nasi Dagang to give way to a lot more side dishes.

Tried Magnum Chocolate Truffle for the first time and I know already where should I go when my inner self demand a satisfying chocolate :D

If you guys notice, tv plays nowadays are more and more related to Islam, which I suppose is good.

I met Ana for the first time, and shocked to see an adorable creature can be so little. She is tiny and cute, cute like real definition of cute. I maybe biased because Ana is my newly born baby cousin, but just please understand a baby is always cute no matter what. Too bad I forgot to snap a picture of her.

Bye and take care people.

With Along, my eldest brother.

So They Said.

WOW. I don't remember I did write this. This was in 2012, when I am still having difficulty coping with my new life.

***
I don't know if I'm doing this right.

In 2012, my working period seems extended until night. Going back at 9pm and have dinner at 10pm, whilst lunch at pantry for 15 minutes. Breakfast at 7.15am with toasted bread and coffee, maybe 8 minutes?

Got to really sit on my own chair at 5pm today and day before, and day before and day before.

Parents were in KL these last two days and I, one bad daughter that didn't spare even a minute to meet them. Received their call, sense their longiness to meet their own daughter and, notice their frustration, and I cried inside.

Now, praying hard to still get their blessing.

Last minute cancellation on holiday trip because of this. Too tired already to cry again. Apology maybe unaccepted, bitter may grow already. I am sorry, really am. It was rare for me to cancel on a very last minute. I usually don't made the promise if I can't make it at the first place. I hate those who always back off, and now, I am the one doing that.

Letting people surrounds down a bit too much lately. It was not like I am given the privillage to choose. People said life is about choice, I wonder now what choice left.

I am trying to not complain. I keep my fingers away from updating twitter when I am about to crumpled. I go to the loo instead, and do my business. I am one shower sobber. So in office, I am one loo-sobber.I am complaining already by now.

Will be at tower again tomorrow, and doing mundane. Tomorrow is off day.

This post sounds pathetic right? I hate to use pathetic word, because 'pathetic' is too heavy and rude to be used in every occasion. But, now I am doing it. I am breaking every rules now.

Sincerely,

Tired and Exhausted.

Don't Forget Me, Okay?

Salam.

My friend, S' mobile phone got stolen in the random series of pickpocket in the LRT. This giving me more reason to blog in the train. But worry not, S compensate herself just as fair.

I was more than lazy, lazy at the scale of eleven with ten is the highest, on Monday morning. I don't know, everything was not right to describe on my kind of laziness, it was not palpable as hunger, but it keep me glued to the bed just as strong.

To make matter worse, I didn't do anything to combat. I let myself drifted far too away until all the allocated fifteen days for annual leave is nil, all not wasted but most of them were for me and my bed reconciliation.

Two or a month ago, in one of the book I read, the author mention about her refusal to wake up in the morning. I, without any difficulties, really understand the feeling. She was like describing me, on Monday morning. I will quote her words sometime in the future. It was like explaining why we didn't eat certain food (for my case is corn) to someone who super fond of corn.

So that was me describing my laziness.

Under the Weather

Salam.

One of the good thing of writing here is the words utter didn't bounce back. This is a very good space to throw all unbearable thoughts. Sometimes I knew the obvious answer for things that happened, but I just want to jot down so that I won't forget later.

There are times when I just want to spill out everything, and leave my chest less painful. But things aren't getting any better. For all the thing that I said and did, I will be questioned, and prompt to do the things I didn't agree. You know a kind of thing you just agree to cut long conversation short.

That is why I really really appreciate those who took some times to answer me because he or she really think on what to answer, weighing my circumstances and choose the right word to avoid me being offended. It is not that I want to hear for some pleasant answer-at all times, it is just the habit of questioning the decision taken that bring no better instead of working out the solution dread me most.

Long Overdue

This was written in 2012.

***
Salam.

We are at salon, doing highly required haircut. I was done browsing through every magazines here.

Being a girl means there are a lot to worry on. Now, as for me I am really clueless on how to shed some weight. At once, when I was in my ungrateful moment, I keep questioning why I don't blessed with super high metabolism. But when I came back to senses, I am still in the phase that I can fix myself. So fret not, talk less and I must start do something.

I can't stand listening people badmouthing on someone who is dear to me. We are already too old and bitching around phenomenon is long past. I am okay to be left out in this kind of group :)

When people come and expect others to have them accepted, the favor must be done from both side.

When we seek for helps from others, the answer might be yes or no. Not yes or yes, we will be labeled as bad friend.

Incognito

I hate 'avoid sugar' most on a diet plan.

December is time to enjoy the year and January next year is the best time to reflect and make up. 

I guess New Year's bugs came to me early this year. :D

Gold Dust

Salam.

26 soon to be 27.

And I wonder am I doing things okay.

Okay that is too serious for a thought in December. Ditch it and lets focus to enjoy December before gearing up for another year another resolution mode.

I was once believe that not many people are unique and most are typical. But having met many people during random trip, daily walk from train station to office, buying food from local eateries, and in many more occasions, it just comes to me that every single people are unique. Say as example;

•  Who would eat cheese with instant noodles? 
• Who would have thought someone can have allergy reactions from detergent
• Who would press the shirts and pants/shorts and just to wear it at home (my big brother of course)

So it is kind of bummer to have a conversation that does not respect the uniqueness of each other. We can be opinionated if we don't have the right idea on certain issues because that is a good sign our brain are functioning, but after all we need to agree to disagree.

Let say A choose to not start cooking until she is 30 because she thinks that taking out is more economical, please respect her.  #pleasehaveathoughttothosenotcookingwoman #sparesomemercy Hahaha.

Perplex

Salam.

I wonder whether I look normal now. Unlike you (or just like you), I am easily intimidated by perception of others. 

I am now sitting alone at a fast food restaurant (M) waiting for departure time and quite enjoy  the moment. Being in the crowd makes me realize about two things, either how lonely are we being in the crowd alone, or how comfortable are we being in the crowd alone. 

For me? It depends. If the crowd is consist of someone that I know, I will feel slightly uncomfortable, the need to greet, smile, making eye contact/avoiding eye contact, not putting on the resting bitch face and being behave. 

And vice versa. If the crowd is unknown to me, I am very comfortable because for safety reason, I know that I am not alone and not having the need to mind my act and behave. 

My balik kampung this time is to celebrate my little brother's wedding. I wish all good things for his marriage. I am so lucky to have him as my little brother. Since he is married now, I wonder whether it is still appropriate for me to send my car to him everytime the service date is due. 

Amanah

Salam.

I think that I am a bit uninspired now. I know and realize that this is because lack of reading done by me for me. I am most inspired when I read or after I read, I don't know about others.

This (and this article is referred) is one of my favourite blogger/author. I thought I can relate as I am 'annoyed' (Okay annoyed maybe sounds too strong), with people that tend to abandon their responsibility under the name of getting closer to God. It is because  they neglect their responsibility.

Bye!

Heaven

It would be almost ridiculous, they said. But I beg to differ. Something like that, may not appear absolute black or white to many eyes. Mutual agreement can't always prevail, mutual respect, yes. Some wise people said, agree to disagree. 

That was when I said every Muslim should act like one for 24 hours a day. 

Salam. 

***

I was staring blankly at the array of colorful packages of my  'survival kit' during weekend. Potato chips and chocolate are a must. I would order anything green on weekdays and as some encouragement  to keep going with that, weekends' food are of gold and brown. 

 While I was busy deliberating on food selection, suddenly my phone was ringing. I don't like to be bothered on weekend, so the ringing was later dead. i expect the caller will text me if it is really important. 

10 minutes later, I left the shop with empty hands, because I didn't bring any cash. I usually bring some money for jogging, but this time I forgot I have none because I had lend the money to my friend just before I left home. 

.

Constant

Salam.

Is it too weird if a certain someone is too comfortable with her life, she don't want anything to change?

But, the only constant is change.

Gili Trawangan, Ombak Sunset, 2015

Tanjung Aan, 2015

Gracias

Salam.

Thank you is things I am still awkward to say to those who are close to me. It was easy to say 'Thank you for listening to my nonsense for 4 hours, I really appreciate those', virtually. But to say that out loud, is quite awkward for me. 

Same goes to 'I miss you'. It is easy to say that virtually but imagine doing that to my mother. She would think I am being weird. But I don't resent this because it would've been weird too for me to respond to that. To say that I envy those who can express their feeling or affection better, it is 22.8% correct. The rest of my body cells are comfortable with texting the gratitude or affection. 

So back to the main point here, erm I would like to say thanks to those close with me that choose to talk about subject that I am able to relate with. I have no kids yet, so being around mothers sometimes, erm I feel aloof because I think I don't have equally interesting stories to share. 

Thanks to those who can still accept me bugging their lives with my prospect of purchase (shawls, shades, shoes), involved in deliberation of whether I should go to office or not because of my period pain cum mood swing, listened to me wallow in self-pity because I can't enjoy certain food,  laughing at my jokes although it was not that funny or wasted their time listening to my weird dreams/nightmare, console me when I was having bad time with my devil weighing scale or anything. Thank you!

Priority

Salam. 

My standard of beautiful is rather average. With smiles, everyone will look good. 

http://youtu.be/IlOBRLT6c0c

There was a saying that said a good friend is like perfume, they will leave a good smells on you too. 

I used to join many run events before and I haven't run as much this year. The obvious reason is because my running buddies are busy, and another reason is because I think I would benefit less if I run during event only but not practising exercise in my normal days. So I hope after I am less busy, I would run every other day for my health and not for events. 

The Best Act of Love Is To Listen

salam.

I have friends, not many but a significant few that would ask me 'hi how are you?' , occasionally or too frequent, both are in my favor.

Because I just realized that, not many are privilleged to have friends that are genuinely interested to know whether you are okay living life.

There was one time, while I was waiting for my flight alone, alone and nervous prior to boarding, I received a call that asked me whether I am already boarding, did my flight delayed, and just random conversation of what we had for lunch and how sleep deprieved we were. I tried to remain calm but deep inside I know this kind of friend is gem. Because she was calling me, to know about me, the fact that I am not okay would worry her.

I have another gem friend too that would call at odd hour just to chat about how bored we were, or how happy we were when we reached office earlier than usual and how inspiring an article that we encountered on the internet or the common-est of all, how uncomfortable we were when we received unpleasant remarks.

And another sweet gesture is when we are always in the invitation list of our friend's every trip. :)

Sweetest of all is, have a friend or friends that silently pray for your wellbeing. She talk to God about you, requesting something that would benefit you and not her,  expect nothing but blessing from God in return.

Because our relationship is mutual, both are playing parts in listening.

So when is your last time you said hi to your friend and listened to her with genuine interest?

Strayed

Ramadhan kareem. 

Since our life is very exposed virtually now, I hope I won't succumb to TooMuchInfo disease on the net. 

I believe our relationship with God is merely with God only. So it is hard for me to digest the everyday berdoa di internet and bersyukur di internet post, and alhamdulillah hari nie berjaya derma  to this and this. 

Be very secretive about our relationship with God and doing good deeds in fear of riak. 

If I ever do things like that, please remind me, privately. Sometimes we may strayed from the right path, because after all we are human, imperfect in many ways and being imperfect is the best chance to improve ourselves. 

No Longer Awkward

Salam. 

My second diving trip was the best closure for 2014. Now I understand why my other friends continuously revisit Mabul Island. I am planning to revisit too most probably end of 2015. We were just agreed that this should be our annual event. Can't wait. 

I have nothing specific to achieve in 2015, just hoping to be better in everything ( and sleep early to wake up earlier, eat healthier to function better, treat my family and friends nicer, all that common new year resolution). I am still didn't manage to do the list I had planned from several years ago though (hint : Nasi Beriyani Gam Pancawarna Hujan Panas). 

How was yours? 

One more thing, I want to feel good about myself. I have no idea yet how to work on this,  hopefully 2015 will figure it out for me. Bye.