Recidivist

 Salam.

I wish I had this current emotional stability when I was in my 20s. Things would be very different and not that I am not grateful with whatever state I am in now, it just that it would save a lot of trouble and energy. Back then, most of my energy was wasted to worrying on the outcome and although part of me found that it is embarassing to admit, I was also trying too hard to please everyone then. Albeit knowing that it is impossible to have everyone’s approval, unknowingly I was trapped in that vicious cycle and of course, exhausted. 

On top of that, I found that 98% of advices given by our elders or senior friends are true, however, the accuracy amplified if we had gone through that specific event and even ‘better’, fall flat on our face. In my case, it was the purchase of my first house. I managed to sell it early this year after almost 10 years managing it and I felt so much lighter without it. The case might not be applicable to others but I need to own a home close to my work place, so I will just rent until there is pressing need to buy a new house or a very very very good offer coming my way in term of house I would like to call home. 

Our mother is the sweetest humanbeing and I hope our God will grant them Jannah for everything they had done and sacrifice. My mother is no longer working and currently enjoying her retirement, a lady of leisure. She busied herself with gardening and trying new recipe, baking, making bread or Ayam Gepuk and sounded more cheerful now. Alhamdulillah. During one of my long conversation with mother via phone call, she told me since I am still young and possess energy and time, make sure not to regret by owing to these 3 elements. (I don’t know if element is the right word here but please bear with me). 

1. Owing to our own self - All of us are full with potential, we can create happy times, good memories, write good book, paint remarkable art but we wasted that by letting the time pass until it is too late. In this aspect, I am grateful I tried (SCUBA) diving because I have been dreaming to dive since I was in uni. I am happy I started pilates too this year. However, there are a lot more things I would like to do such as (secret!).

2. Owing to our family & friends - My mother told me to be good to everyone, be the one to apologize first so that during later time, our heart are full and swell with love knowing we done no harm to others. 

3. Owing to our future self - Do everything now with consideration of future i.e saving, don’t waste money and don’t spend recklessly, be mindful in eating and exercise for good health because nobody want to worry on either financial or health issues at later age. Of course, unexpected turn may come but do our part to control what we can. 

I hope I will be consistent to write on every Sunday here because I feel like I had done some great exercise with my brain muscle resulted to me feeling better and my mind clarity at peak level (on my own personal scale of course). 

Hope you had a good rest this weekend and splendid days ahead.