Unhappy but Forever Busy

 Salam. 

I learned something new this week, so excited and happy that I got to learn about this. 

I learned that both praise and rebuke are not a good form of developing other people be it own children or subordinate. Rebuke is obviously annoying and will backfire. But praise was once preached as a good way to get children or subordinate or students to excel in something. Apparently I learned that it is not the case. Shocking right? Bear with me, I hope I can share what I learned from the book accurately. 

When a child did something good, it is normal to say, ‘Good job!’, however when it is uttered to grown up, sounds weird right? Imagine, ‘Good job, teacher!’ Or ‘Good job, boss!’

Good job from a mother or father to their child does not sound out of line because parent and the kids fit to vertical relationship setting while between grown ups, horizontal relationship is the setting. Vertical relationship is hierarchical. Praise to another grown up is manipulative because the person that gave the words was putting himself at higher rank assuming him possessing the power to make the receiver felt validated. But in horizontal relationship, one does not require others’ recognition to feel capable. One is already capable without the recognition from others. So the manipulation won’t works. 

So what is the best way to encourage others? Based on the book that I read, it is simple gesture of gratitude, ‘Thank you’ or any words fitting to convey the message that the doer had contributed to overall ecosystem or community.  

For the doer that did the good job, without others’ recognition or validation, a feeling - sense of contributing to others is enough encouragement. It is intrisical yet liberating because the doer is attaining or will attain freedom in his/her life when working on something, totally detached from others’ validation or recognition. 

Hope you had a good rest and good days ahead. Bye!