Salam.
One of the good thing of writing here is the words utter didn't bounce back. This is a very good space to throw all unbearable thoughts. Sometimes I knew the obvious answer for things that happened, but I just want to jot down so that I won't forget later.
There are times when I just want to spill out everything, and leave my chest less painful. But things aren't getting any better. For all the thing that I said and did, I will be questioned, and prompt to do the things I didn't agree. You know a kind of thing you just agree to cut long conversation short.
That is why I really really appreciate those who took some times to answer me because he or she really think on what to answer, weighing my circumstances and choose the right word to avoid me being offended. It is not that I want to hear for some pleasant answer-at all times, it is just the habit of questioning the decision taken that bring no better instead of working out the solution dread me most.
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